I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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