i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
