There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
