I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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