just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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