We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
