I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
