i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
