Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
