Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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