Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize