I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
