Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
