you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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