Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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