And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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