we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
