I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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