woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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