Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
