i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
