they need to just BURY HIM!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
what is it with giant penises always finding me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
