If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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