nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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