last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
