one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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