i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
