it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
