the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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