Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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