Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
