Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
