smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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