Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
