he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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