you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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