you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
