I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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