put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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