I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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