he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
