i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
