Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
