Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
