Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
