Porn is love you can see.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize