He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I deserve this hangover.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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