i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
