i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
