Please don't use social media to get back at me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize