I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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