Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
