I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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