I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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