sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is Oprah even human
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
