I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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