We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
