I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
