Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
