I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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