he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
