Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
