Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
