You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
