the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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