I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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