so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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