it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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