just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
