"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
