Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
