My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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