Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
