i just wanna soil my oats bro
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
