I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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