I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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