If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
