I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
sarcasm needs its own font
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
